Money Smarts Blog
It's Okay to Say No: Raising a Grateful Child
Oct 29, 2022 || Tricia Leslein, Branch Manager
Picture it: You pick your child up from school and head to the grocery store because (oops!) you didn’t have time to plan ahead for tonight’s dinner. During your race through the aisles, your kid spies their favorite candy/cereal/snack. “Can I pleeeeeeeease get it?” they ask with insincere innocence. One look at those phony puppy dog eyes and you’re giving in, if only to avoid a fight.
Sound familiar?
While it’s totally fine to give in from time to time to save your sanity (we’ve all been there), constant caving to your child’s every desire is problematic. Not only will your savings “mysteriously” drain (with precious little to show for it), you run the risk of reinforcing negative behavior and creating one of “those kids” who’s self-centered, pampered and oozes entitlement. Children need structure and limits to help them grow. Will they test those limits? All the time. But giving in to every want and desire only feeds into this vicious cycle of unhappiness and dissatisfaction because no matter what they already have, they’ll constantly be chasing the next “it” thing.
Unpopular opinion: It’s OK to say no to your kids.
Saying no isn’t being mean — quite the opposite, actually. Saying no shows your kids you care enough to teach them boundaries, which helps them understand, recognize and respect the wants and needs of themselves and those around them so they’ll grow into emotionally and financially responsible adults later in life. We all want our kids to be happy, but trust us when we say more “stuff” isn’t the answer.
Here are a few ways IHMVCU team members handle their least-favorite two-letter word.
“I deposit $5/week into each kid’s savings account for them to use as they see fit.”
For me, having six kids between the ages of 9 and 22 naturally gets expensive (have you seen how much teenagers eat?). Just a handful of years ago, if one kid asked for something at the store that cost $5, they’d all get something that cost $5. That $30 a week was wrecking my bank account and not doing any favors for my kids’ attitudes. Fast-forward to today, when I deposit $5/week into each kid’s savings account for them to use as they see fit.
It’s stopped me from having to say no all the time, while teaching them the value of saving versus instant gratification. My twins developed wonderful saving habits from this “trick” and are now living on their own with three months of emergency savings in the bank. My boys? Well … they’re still learning.
Tricia Leslein, Branch Manager
PRO TIP: Balance Builder Savings Crew Visit IHMVCU.org/SavingsCrew to sign your child up (or grandchild/niece/nephew) for our Balance Builder Junior Savings plan. In addition to teaching kids about saving, budgeting and more, there are other perks like emails with insider tips, activity sheets and updates on saving progress.
“We say ‘no’ to non-necessities.”
Before I met my husband, I was a single mother of three wishing I could get everything for my kids. Unfortunately, my finances wouldn’t allow it. When our “yours, mine and ours” families merged, we adjusted to life with our six combined kids … then came 7 and 8!
To use the old adage, it takes a village, and I was lucky to live in a very supportive community. We literally couldn’t say “yes” to non-necessities for years, so we tried raising our children the best we could with what we had. When each of them turned 13 or 14, they’d do odd jobs for neighbors and grandparents to earn money for the extra things they wanted. At 16, a family vehicle is passed down for them to “borrow” until they can afford to buy their own car (my 2004 Chevy Tahoe is currently on child #3 and he pays for any repairs himself).
My kids have had to learn through poverty, hardship and abandonment that you must work for what you have. We’ve had many ups and downs as a family, but we’ve loved and supported each other through it all. It’s not our job as parents to give them everything they want — it’s our job to provide them with everything they need to succeed in life.
Shawnee Schmitt, Universal Member Service Representative
Awesome non-toy gift alternatives
1. Themed gifts/experiences
This can be anything you think your child would enjoy. Grab a popcorn bucket at your next trip to Dollar Tree and fill it with their favorite snacks and a gift card to the movie theater. Planning a trip over Spring Break? A new towel, sandals and swimsuit would be great for the water park or beach.
2. MEMORIES
Personalized photo books make a fun gift for kids to remember special activities and events throughout the year. Make it an annual tradition for a gift series that’ll be cherished for years to come. They may not love it now but will appreciate it when they’re older — it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
3. THE FOUR-GIFT RULE
Limit the amount of gifts to four per kid: Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read. This way, you’ll help keep your holiday budget under control and focus on the quality of gifts over quantity.
4. QUALITY TIME
One-on-one time with your kids helps create positive connections that make them feel valued and loved. Want to make it extra special? Come up with a monthly date idea for you and your kid(s). Whether it’s hiking, taking a class together or going to the library, plan something fun and keep your time together free of distractions (so put that phone away and focus on making memories).
BONUS CONTENT
Check out our Earning & Learning for Kids parent guide
It's Okay to Say No: Raising a Grateful Child
Oct 29, 2022 || Tricia Leslein, Branch Manager
Picture it: You pick your child up from school and head to the grocery store because (oops!) you didn’t have time to plan ahead for tonight’s dinner. During your race through the aisles, your kid spies their favorite candy/cereal/snack. “Can I pleeeeeeeease get it?” they ask with insincere innocence. One look at those phony puppy dog eyes and you’re giving in, if only to avoid a fight.
Sound familiar?
While it’s totally fine to give in from time to time to save your sanity (we’ve all been there), constant caving to your child’s every desire is problematic. Not only will your savings “mysteriously” drain (with precious little to show for it), you run the risk of reinforcing negative behavior and creating one of “those kids” who’s self-centered, pampered and oozes entitlement. Children need structure and limits to help them grow. Will they test those limits? All the time. But giving in to every want and desire only feeds into this vicious cycle of unhappiness and dissatisfaction because no matter what they already have, they’ll constantly be chasing the next “it” thing.
Unpopular opinion: It’s OK to say no to your kids.
Saying no isn’t being mean — quite the opposite, actually. Saying no shows your kids you care enough to teach them boundaries, which helps them understand, recognize and respect the wants and needs of themselves and those around them so they’ll grow into emotionally and financially responsible adults later in life. We all want our kids to be happy, but trust us when we say more “stuff” isn’t the answer.
Here are a few ways IHMVCU team members handle their least-favorite two-letter word.
“I deposit $5/week into each kid’s savings account for them to use as they see fit.”
For me, having six kids between the ages of 9 and 22 naturally gets expensive (have you seen how much teenagers eat?). Just a handful of years ago, if one kid asked for something at the store that cost $5, they’d all get something that cost $5. That $30 a week was wrecking my bank account and not doing any favors for my kids’ attitudes. Fast-forward to today, when I deposit $5/week into each kid’s savings account for them to use as they see fit.
It’s stopped me from having to say no all the time, while teaching them the value of saving versus instant gratification. My twins developed wonderful saving habits from this “trick” and are now living on their own with three months of emergency savings in the bank. My boys? Well … they’re still learning.
Tricia Leslein, Branch Manager
PRO TIP: Balance Builder Savings Crew Visit IHMVCU.org/SavingsCrew to sign your child up (or grandchild/niece/nephew) for our Balance Builder Junior Savings plan. In addition to teaching kids about saving, budgeting and more, there are other perks like emails with insider tips, activity sheets and updates on saving progress.
“We say ‘no’ to non-necessities.”
Before I met my husband, I was a single mother of three wishing I could get everything for my kids. Unfortunately, my finances wouldn’t allow it. When our “yours, mine and ours” families merged, we adjusted to life with our six combined kids … then came 7 and 8!
To use the old adage, it takes a village, and I was lucky to live in a very supportive community. We literally couldn’t say “yes” to non-necessities for years, so we tried raising our children the best we could with what we had. When each of them turned 13 or 14, they’d do odd jobs for neighbors and grandparents to earn money for the extra things they wanted. At 16, a family vehicle is passed down for them to “borrow” until they can afford to buy their own car (my 2004 Chevy Tahoe is currently on child #3 and he pays for any repairs himself).
My kids have had to learn through poverty, hardship and abandonment that you must work for what you have. We’ve had many ups and downs as a family, but we’ve loved and supported each other through it all. It’s not our job as parents to give them everything they want — it’s our job to provide them with everything they need to succeed in life.
Shawnee Schmitt, Universal Member Service Representative
Awesome non-toy gift alternatives
1. Themed gifts/experiences
This can be anything you think your child would enjoy. Grab a popcorn bucket at your next trip to Dollar Tree and fill it with their favorite snacks and a gift card to the movie theater. Planning a trip over Spring Break? A new towel, sandals and swimsuit would be great for the water park or beach.
2. MEMORIES
Personalized photo books make a fun gift for kids to remember special activities and events throughout the year. Make it an annual tradition for a gift series that’ll be cherished for years to come. They may not love it now but will appreciate it when they’re older — it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
3. THE FOUR-GIFT RULE
Limit the amount of gifts to four per kid: Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read. This way, you’ll help keep your holiday budget under control and focus on the quality of gifts over quantity.
4. QUALITY TIME
One-on-one time with your kids helps create positive connections that make them feel valued and loved. Want to make it extra special? Come up with a monthly date idea for you and your kid(s). Whether it’s hiking, taking a class together or going to the library, plan something fun and keep your time together free of distractions (so put that phone away and focus on making memories).
BONUS CONTENT
Check out our Earning & Learning for Kids parent guide
